The Weight of Living
by katfishd
Summary: Surviving is in my nature, I have had to fight death my entire life. It's strange how the more things change, the more they stay the same. (The apocalypse through my eyes, will follow main story, first fanfic ever, hope you enjoy it, I know I did writing it.)


_I had always been a dramatic person hell I probably still am, I had often been criticised for it but when this new world had started to take shape it seemed like I was the only rationale person in the world. I couldn't believe the strange reports in the newspapers, ' Russian man shot dead after eating woman's face' was the first headline that caught my attention. I can remember reading and thinking it was probably just a bad batch of vodka or something, little did I know that in the coming weeks the cannibalistic reports would increase and spread throughout the world. Reading about the matter in forums on the Internet was worse with sci-fi nuts calling it the zombie apocalypse as though their beloved movies and video games had become reality, they were excited that they could save the world and girls would finally take notice of them. Too bad all the girls were dead not to mention the enthusiasts themselves. At least they had something right; this was some kind of apocalypse. I found myself questioning whether the events that had transpired through the month following the outbreak was a blessing in disguise. At other times I felt enraged with myself that I would even consider this situation as a blessing, so much suffering and so much death not only in the literal terms but also the death of who I once was and who I could have been. I had come to the states for a fresh start, to completely reinvent myself, but I should have known that it was just wishful thinking. The truth is that you can never escape your past and in a way I didn't want to. It was the only thing that kept me going now. I had fought my entire life to stay here when it seemed like the only way to end the pain was to die and there were a couple of times I almost succeeded. But since the world became the way it is today, it had gotten easier to wake up, easier to function and easier to fight. This was because the threat was no longer intricate, it was clear and it was right in front of my eyes. I had no idea how or why the dead were no longer still, but I was sure of one thing and that was for the first time in my life I wanted to live. _

As I stared down at the hard earth beneath my ratty converses, I couldn't help but be inspired by my thoughts. It was like I was having the momentous realisation all over again. A smile formed at my slightly chapped lips and I suddenly relised someone was was watching me from across the burnt out fire pit. "Whats so funny Kate?" I heard Carl say, looking at me with an amused and sweaty face. "Oh nothing" I replied smiling at the 10 year old who's amused face quickly turned sour once he saw his Mom approaching with what appeared to be math books in her thin hands. He shot me a look of disappointment as he heard Lori, his mother call out to him to indicate it was time for school. I could understand how Lori had made education a priority for Carl and Sophia but maths hardly seemed useful during the apocalypse. As I watched the young boy rise from the log and slowly make his way towards the books that were now set down on a small table in the middle of camp I couldn't help but feel bad for the kid. Growing up in a world like this couldn't be good for him but it was a reality we all faced. At least children are quick to adapt to change, the adults however were an entirely different story.

The camp consisted of a lot of different personalities, ages,backgrounds and all with their own theories as to why we were all propelled together in the hills of Atlanta. I was often quick to distinguish others fears, hopes, skills and other pieces of information that would help me decide wether to form alliances with them or simply to ignore them. Shane, Lori and Carl were probably the people I knew the most about in camp. Before the dead started coming back I had taken a position at the King County Sheriffs Department as receptionist with hopes to eventually join the force. I had only worked there for two months but I had already built quite a rapport with most of the officers, especially with Rick Grimes and his partner Shane. I would often help them out with their paperwork and cases, also occasionally babysitting Ricks son Carl when he and his wife Lori went out. I practically lived at their house minding Carl when Rick went into hospital a few weeks before the outbreak. Rick was such a great guy, I couldn't believe it when he got shot. Its a weird feeling when you relies the guy you idolise isn't indestructible. So when they began evacuating I knew I had to go with Carl, Lori and Shane because I needed to be there for them in any way I could. Its not like I had many options anyway, the airports had closed and there was no way of getting home to my family if they were even still alive.

I forced myself to stop thinking about the past and to start focusing on things that were in front of me. Rising from the rough and worn fabric of one of the several camp chairs strewn around the camp, I walked over towards the RV squinting up at Dale who was perched on top watching over the camp. The man was around his sixties who always wore a beige fisherman's hat which oddly suited him even though I once believed no one could suit a hat like that. Entering the RV I found Amy sitting at the small dining space with a book in her hands. "Any good?" I asked motioning to the book with my partially polished fingers which were horribly chipped. "Its awful" she replied setting it down on the worn tablecloth, " Almost as bad as this heat ". I sat opposite to her tracing the olive flowers on the cloth which also matched the curtains in the old Winnebago, "Its only 11 as well" I sighed. "I bet your used to it though" she smirked and added "You know living in the desert and all". Here we go with the desert again I thought to myself, although it could get hot back home it would usually be broken up by at least a few days of relief but not like Georgia. Of course all this had to happen in the middle of summer, making it seem as if we actually were in hell. It wasn't hard to see the comparisons, scorching temperatures, the dead people walking around and even some guy who controlled everyone and everything. Okay so Shane wasn't exactly the devil and did save my life but his new sense of authority had been getting on my nerves of late. Smiling at Amys attempt at humour "Wanna go down to the quarry? My hair could do with a wash" I asked running my fingers through my grimy red and blonde locks. "Sure it beats reading this crap, but we better ask Shane first" she grimaced, it seems as if theres more than one person in camp who isn't too fond of the former cop.

As I exited the RV and headed in the direction of my tent I noticed how quiet it was around camp and thought it was probably because Merle Dixon was either passed out or hunting with his brother Daryl. The man seemed to raise his voice a lot, maybe it was just how he spoke normally. Crawling into just about the only private space left to occupy and emptying the contents of my black rucksack onto the tent floor I began to think of how weird the situation that I was in truly was. All that was left of my former life was a journal filled with problems that hardly seem difficult now, a few toiletries, a couple of changes of clothing, a spare blanket and towel, my ipod which had about forty percent charge left and some old photos of my mum, dad, brother, best friend and cats. A number of items were new however like the first aid kit I managed to get before things really got bad, a medium sized hunting knife which Glen had found on one of his runs and the gun that Shane insisted on me having. Despite having a uncle who was a keen hunter I had never fired a gun, or touched one for that matter and luckily I haven't had too yet but something told me that I would have to learn how to use it soon. Gathering my shampoo, towel and the knife just in case and putting them into my now empty back pack. Exiting my living quarters suddenly I heard a eerily familiar sound coming from the tree line that surrounded our quiet campsite.


End file.
